textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
