I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
