I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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