i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
