Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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