so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
