Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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