well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
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basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
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According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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