Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Randomize
