Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
