sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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