Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
