I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Too much gin, very little bucket
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
