Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
