Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
