you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
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Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
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We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
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