Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
