I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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