Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
