he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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