I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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