I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
