david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
