if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
two words...techno handjob
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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