This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
