If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
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They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
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If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
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