Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
