Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
