this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
