I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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