Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
