I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Randomize
