Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
