You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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