i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Oh god it's open bar.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
