Umm I'm too high to move.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
