summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
