i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
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You are a booty call, not a friend.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
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I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
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