the new term for farting is butt boxing.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
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My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
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After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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