Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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