Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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