i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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