we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
