rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
