Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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