So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
