Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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