You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
