I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
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