Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
