I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
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She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
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Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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