No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize