Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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