White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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