its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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