I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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