The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
