ya dads aren't the best wingmen
ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I just found puke in my bra..
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
