So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
