Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
