Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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