when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
