I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
