Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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