she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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