so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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