I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
