My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
