I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
