He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
