Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
